It was real and it was a struggle and it had its ups and downs and fights. And I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
I might shed a few tears, but that just means it was real.
But I’m so grateful for what she has been through with me. What we have both been through together. And there is no way I can ever thank her enough. I really hope she is gonna be home for the Wild game. And I honestly don’t even care if she takes me. It would probably be too hard realistically. Trying to continue something that can’t be. I am not having a long distance relationship. We will always be friends. We can’t not be. And I’ll come out to Colorado to come visit her. And me her and Dani will turn up and smoke weed and I’ll get to see her. But it won’t be the same. She won’t be mine. She never will be. She is her own and no one can own her or claim her. And that’s what people draw to. That she is independent and does what she wants. And she won’t bullshit you. She might dissapoint you and let you down, but if you mean something to her she will make up for it. And she has love in her heart. Although she doesn’t always show it. And she won’t let you love her the way you want to. The way she deserves. And she’s right. That makes her hard to love, but it doesn’t mean you won’t. And it’s hard knowing that in a few months this person will be gone. You won’t have that person to come over if you’re having a bad night who will leave a bar at the drop of a hat if you really need her. Putting her life on the line because she knows you need her. And she won’t be here to hold you as you go through flashbacks and nightmares and hold you and soothe you through the tears. And you might not know what you’re gonna do on those nights without her. And no one will ever be able to replace that place in your heart she holds. And that scares you. But you can talk to her on the phone and you know she will answer because she cares for you. And she always will. Because she’s also that kind of person. And she won’t complain when you keep her pants for months on end because they’re your favorite. And she will share her stuffed animal. And she will pull you close in the morning when you need to leave because no one wants to get up. And she will skip her favorite day of football just to spend it with you because that’s how much she loves you. Even if it’s not that kind of love there is that love. And that’s sometimes more important than the romantic kind. And you love her for that. No matter how hard it is.
And then we are just gonna be friends and I’m gonna still send her goat pictures and she’s still gonna think I’m weird
And I know it’s far away but I am still anxious for when I can’t see her. And we can’t cuddle.
Not having sex is hard, but I think it’s gonna make things a lot easier when she leaves.
I don’t know if it’s love. But I’m content. And sometimes I want more. But when I’m with her I couldn’t ask for anything else.